


Even Badass witches can have secrets

by Superwholock88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Child Abuse, Drowning, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Near Death Experiences, Oblivious Albus Dumbledore, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 23:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17651651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superwholock88/pseuds/Superwholock88
Summary: Hermione, the brightest witch of her time, the total badass has kept a secret for 4 years but meddling Headmasters have a way of outing secrets that have been buried deep





	Even Badass witches can have secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's been forever and I need to update my other stories, I do promise I'm working on them. This is purely a therapeutic work for me surrounding an incident of abuse I experienced, so I apologize if anyone is OOC I'm doing EMDR with my therapist and we are working through this incident although my abuser used this particular form of "punishment" more than once just only this severe once. It's a pretty debilitating memory but through the last therapy session and writing this it has eased. That being said this has the possibility of being very triggering to anyone who has experienced drowning. Please use care when reading  
> Italics indicate flashback, bold is retelling of the past, hope it's not confusing.

“I was perfectly fine until now, I’ll have you know" I rant as I pace back and forth trying to walk off my shakiness.

“Miss Granger" a soft yet stern voice attempts to garner my attention.

“I mean so what if I can’t handle being near or in deep water or even be around people splashing each other but really I was fine and now … now everyone knows I'm just a freak even in the magical world.” I spew before promptly sinking into the awaiting couch. I listen to my uneven breaths the only sound in the quiet room.

“Miss Granger" Professor McGonagall begins but stops as I startle.

“Hermione, there are a few things I want to say please listen and don’t interrupt. First of all you are in no way a freak and I do not want you calling yourself such. Secondly I think perhaps you have been carrying a large burden for too long, if you see fit and trust me, I am here to listen, no judgement and no one will hear of anything said without your express permission.” She explains, her voice much softer than in class.

My eyes burn as I will away unshed tears, voices from the past echoing in my head.

“ _Now Hermione dear, I’m so glad you told us what he did but it’s not something that should be talked about. In fact it would be best if you just forgot it occurred. This is a family matter and should be kept that way. He’s been spoken to and knows he did wrong. You have to find it in your heart to forgive him before this ruins your life. We love you”_ the voices fade out as McGonagall’s voice reaches me.

“Are you alright, Hermione?” she asks her face full of motherly concern.

“I, that is, I’m not supposed to talk about it. It's over so it doesn’t matter anymore, I should just forget it" I tell her, face heating with shame as I twist my hands together.

I jump as the nearby glass table shatters.

“Sorry dear, I did not mean to lose control like that" Professor McGonagall remarks slightly embarrassed looking as she waves a hand to fix the table.

“Am I right to say you’ve been abused by someone in the past?” she questions after I remain silent.

I sigh and nod.

“And the events of last night and today reminded you of your past" she ventures a guess.

A small whimper escapes when I open my mouth but I steel myself and take a deep breath.

"It all started last night when Dumbledore called Ron and I to his office.” I begin.

**“You all are here to help in the Tournament, you have each been selected as what each competitor would miss most. Miss Granger, you will be for Mr. Potter whom I know you share a close relationship, Mr. Weasley it seems you and Mr. Krum have become quite close, Miss Chang I do believe Mr. Diggory holds you in the highest regard, and of course young Miss Delacour, your sister will, of course, be coming for you. Now you will all be put into the bottom of the Black Lake and" Professor Dumbledore explains as I feel ice begin to creep through my body and an elephant sits on my chest.**

**Cho must notice as she slips her hand into mine as I tune back into the Headmaster’s speech.**

**“You will be quite safe, you will be in a spelled sleep until you breech surface" he says, eyes twinkling.**

**“Sir, I don’t think I can do this" I hear myself say, surprised that my voice comes out evenly.**

**“Miss Granger, I assure you I will be performing the spell myself so there is no fear of drowning” Dumbledore tries to reassure but only sets my fear off deeper.**

**Warring between being rude by back talking and keeping my secret from all but Harry I try and fail to take a deep breath. But it’s too late Professor Dumbledore begins speaking and everything goes dark but not peaceful. I’m trapped as my 8yr old self with my cousin at a water reservoir by my house.**

“ _Well princess if you can’t behave, I’ll have to punish you” Matt says with a smirk, dragging me to the water and shoving my head under with both hands. I hold my breath while struggling to break free, my arms flailing, my legs pinned by the weight of my cousin. Unable to keep from it anymore I inhale and gag, water burning my nose and throat, black spots dance behind my closed eyes before a moment of peace where nothing hurts and it all goes black_.

**I gasp as I come into full awareness.**

**“No Matt, I’m sorry, I’ll do it please don’t" I panic, my legs kicking furiously to keep above water as I jerk away from the arm holding me.**

**“Mione, it’s me Harry, it’s not him, you’re safe" Harry assures.**

**I squeeze his arm to let him know I understand but am unable to speak through the pressure in my chest. We make it to the platform and are helped up. I’m shaking but not cold, in fact I can’t feel anything besides the burning in my throat and pain in my chest. My vision blurs and I’m not on the platform but back at the reservoir with Matt. A hand grabs me and I feel sparks explode out of me.**

**“Don’t touch me” I scream, the strings holding me up release and I collapse to my knees. Silence roars through my ears as I gasp in teary breaths. A voice pierces through my misery.**

**“Come on sis, it’s ok now. You are safe, I’m right here, you are safe, it’s just me, Harry" the voice speaks calmly. I look up to see only Harry, everyone else has gone beside you of course, Professor but you’re a great distance away.**

**“What happened” I ask, my voice raspy.**

**“Well you had quite an impressive display of magic. You had, like a bubble around you, and shoved everyone away. Professor Dumbledore led everyone back to the castle and you let me in your uh, bubble" Harry explains.**

**You approached us then Professor and well you know the rest” I say bringing us back to the present**.

“So the Headmaster didn’t even listen to you” Professor McGonagall huffs “barmy old coot" she says under her breath then shakes her head.

“Is your cousin still around when you are home" she asks gently.

“No Ma’am, he's no longer allowed around me because I told on him" I explain shamefully.

“No, Hermione, he’s not allowed around you because he abused you, not because of anything you did. Please know you can say no but if you want, can you tell me what happened after you lost consciousness with him.” She questions.

“He had to give me CPR to bring me back, he was super angry at me for that. Then I was sick all night, kept throwing up water" I explain, a slight shiver running through me.

Professor McGonagall looks quite startled and pale before taking a deep breath.

“That is very serious indeed. Are you aware that he could have killed you" she asks gently but seemingly trying to impress a point to me.

I shake my head.

“He was trained in CPR from a young age because his father was a doctor and wanted him to know in case of emergencies” I explain hoping she sees it really wasn’t that bad.

“I don’t mean just if he didn’t know CPR. There are several cases of prolonged drowning after the incident due to water damaging or staying in the lungs, especially considering you were throwing up all night. Its likely your magic that protected you. I know you've been told differently but what he put you through is not small or insignificant. When your parents found out, did they press charges against him?” she asks pensively.

I bring my knees to my chest, hugging my arms around them before speaking.

“No, they don’t know that it was going on since I was 8, they think it was just he touched me once when I was 11. And he's only 4 years older than me so uh they said he was just experimenting” I explain but feel confused when this only seems to anger her.

“While I agree that teens experiment they do so with those close in age and not through coercion or grooming, which if it was four years it was most definitely involved. Your parents were wrong to say that and I’m guessing they are the ones that told you not to tell anyone" she surmises, pausing to let me nod before continuing.

“They were wrong in this as well. To heal such deep wounds, is quite like when one falls and scrapes their knee. You can put a bandage on and the top layer will heal but underneath it’s still full of rocks and dirt so it will need to be cleaned out. This process isn’t easy and can be painful but well worth it. I am a trained mind healer and if you'd like we can work towards healing from your past. I think it would be quite beneficial for you but it’s your choice. I don’t want a decision right now, today has been too emotionally charged. However there is one more thing I'd like to say.” She winds down pausing to let me take in what she's said. When I make eye contact she speaks.

“None of what happened is your fault. You did not deserve to be abused and assaulted, you deserved to be protected and loved" she says seriously.

I feel traitor tears slip down my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away and shake my head.

“You don’t know everything, you can’t say that" I tell her sniffling slightly. She sits next to me.

“You won’t believe it now but eventually you will, no matter what, It. Was. Not. Your. Fault.” She tells me.

“May I hug you" she asks. I nod and relish the warmth.

I sniffle and yawn.

“Ok, time for bed. For tonight I’ll transform some spare quarters for you so you can rest. I would also like for you to take some dreamless sleep, as I’m sure nightmares are a frequent visitor after days like today" She guesses.

I nod and agree to taking the potion. She summons it, I drink grimacing slightly before she guides me to the door that appears at the wave of her hand. I enter the room and head for the bed.

“Goodnight dear" Professor McGonagall says and I smile slightly.

“Goodnight, Professor. Thank you” I tell her and climb in to the soft bed for once falling asleep easily.

**Author's Note:**

> A few more notes. The reaction of Hermione's parents is how mine reacted, my abuser never got in trouble, just wasnt allowed around me anymore. I was told not to speak of it. I was in high school before I managed to break free and then I was an adult before I started therapy. And yes my abuser is only 4 years older than me meaning when I was 8 he was 12 and I know a lot of people will think this means he's not responsible for what he did but he very much was.   
> Anyway reviews are like the balm to my soul, lol.


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